One evening when I was about twenty I dined with friends who were hosting relatives from Florida. Over dessert, the woman from Florida began raving about the brilliance of dolphins – they are just as intelligent in their way as we humans are in ours, she insisted. Why, dolphins even show signs of compassion for humans. “Dolphins help sailors whose ships sink, by pushing them toward shore and safety. Many rescued sailors have said so.”
There was a brief silence while we absorbed this heartwarming information. Then our host spoke. “Of course we never hear from the sailors they push farther out to sea.”
Everybody laughed, but the lesson was clear: it is unwise to make optimistic generalizations from isolated cases. Yet much of what we believe is based on hearsay, superstition or wishful thinking. This sunny nonsense is not rational. It misleads us with false hope and unreasonable expectations that usually bring disappointment and even serious mental problems.
Scientific method requires observable phenomena that are repeatable under controlled conditions. Since it’s unlikely that marine biologists will drop thousands of test-subjects in mid-ocean to record what dolphins really do with them, dolphin “compassion” is likely to remain anecdotal for years to come.
But even without exhaustive laboratory testing, our common sense and everyday observation should provide level-headed recognition of certain facts of everyday reality. For example:
Most prayers are not answered.
Most wishes do not come true.
Most of the time when you unexpectedly think of a distant elderly relative, that relative is not dying or in distress.
Most pets lost during cross-country travel do not show up, months later, at the kitchen door of their owner’s new residence.
Most dreams remain only dreams – unless, of course, they become nightmares.
By far the cruelest delusion hysterically promoted within our well-intentioned society is “You can do anything you want if you focus and work hard enough.” The corollary lie is that “it’s never too late.”
In other words, everything will turn out great if you stay positive.
Really?
I see a far different reality, mocking us from behind billowing clouds of narcotic optimism. It boils down to this:
You can not do anything you want. Most of the time, no matter how hard you try, how desperately you wish, “visualize” or work for something, it will forever elude your grasp. Really, now. Face the truth. You may just not have enough brains, strength, money or powerful friends. There may be insurmountable physical realities to consider. If you have no legs, you can not get a starting spot on the Olympic High Jumping team. If you are blind, you can not become a jet fighter pilot.
To believe otherwise is unhealthy; indeed, downright delusional. It is often – probably very often – too late to accomplish your goals. Most of the time, in any field that requires formal educational credentials, it is too late to earn advanced degrees. There is simply not enough time, no matter how dedicated you are. For most business careers, the young and promising – less likely to be saddled with family responsibilities and longterm debt – are hired instead of older, more experienced candidates, especially since they can work for less money.
Further, many young people are intelligent, excellent workers; less opinionated, more malleable, more motivated to do more and work longer hours, besides offering companies the agreeable trait of youthful enthusiasm. In most instances, anyone out of work for more than a year will never find equivalent new employment. Ask any guy over 50 hunting a good – even a decent – job in his field. Ask any woman over 40, no matter how brilliant, who has tried to get into a major – even a decent – medical school. Ask any woman of 60, no matter how experienced in the entertainment business, who has tried to get a job in the entertainment business, where they prefer women of 25 with large breasts that do not sag.
And of course it is too late for anything for anyone whose head is in the path of a .45 hollow-point slug moving along at 1200 feet per second.
Sound pessimistic, even cynical? Wake up, friend. Welcome to the chilly world beyond “reality” TV and overpriced motivational seminars. Unless you are prepared to face real world reality, you forfeit the right to profess amazement when you don’t find the mate you want, get the career you think you deserve, become miraculously cured of your disease, or find the emotional or spiritual comfort “they” promised you.
Most of that goo-goo-eyed sunshine so hysterically pushed by televangelists, “psychic counselors” and self-help gurus is tommyrot. Worse, it is harmful tommyrot, virtually guaranteeing increased misery when the unreasonable expecations it raises are not met. It is the cosmic equivalent of “your check is in the mail.”
It is useful to note that, each month, thousands of dolphins drown in fishermen’s drift nets. Although chances are that occasionally a fisherman disentangles one, and pushes him farther out to sea, where he can report to the dolphin community how intelligent and compassionate we humans are.
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